Things happen in life that sometimes make us very angry at other people. You've heard the word "Forgiveness" and you may not be feeling that what that person has done to cause you so much pain can be forgiven. Perhaps they've caused the death of a loved one, or through their actions, something has happened to you that hurts so badly that you feel your life will never be the same again.

You wonder how you can forgive someone who you feel has put so much pain into your life that your life will never be the same again.

This is a normal reaction to a traumatic experience but staying that way will not help you or anyone else.

Forgiveness, is it important in healing?
Yes, It is one of the most important things in healing. However, please do NOT rush through things, and feel because you are not Forgiving fast enough, that it is wrong, Do not make yourself rush through this process, because it is NOT easy, and it takes time. It is OK to have feelings, that are not good, and to allow ourselves to feel that way, it is Ok, and it is part of healing, but it is when, alot of time goes by, and we are not moving ahead, when it becomes damaging to ourselves and others. It is Ok to work through things, at your OWN pace, not someone elses, God understands, and wants you to heal fully, not according to someone else, and what they think is the right amount of time. No-one is the same, and No-one is going to heal and greive and Forgive in the same amount of time. There really is NO time frame, it just requires working through things ONE step at a time. It WILL happen, with time.

This background set is to show you fully that no matter what bad things happen in your life, forgiveness is the key to healing.
Think about how hard it must have been for Jesus to say "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do".

After I got my thoughts straight (after such a traumatic death, your thoughts are not straight). I wanted to heal and I could not stand disliking someone as much as I did Mike's friend right after the crash.

I prayed and prayed some more. I asked God for help in healing and in forgiving.

God said "My dear child I will help you, but it will be painful and it won't be easy. It will hurt very much and with these words I will leave with you - You will heal and help others to heal as well".

To forgive, I first had to allow myself to face the truth head on, meaning the truth that Mike had done the same thing and so had many others - drinking and driving. Not all of us but many of us and we were the lucky ones. It was not any of us in that accident.

Yes, even my husband and I had been guilty of this as well, until Mike's crash changed our lives.

All of us are from the same town, same group and knew each other as friends and this situation made it harder.

I allowed myself to look at the stituation by putting myself in Mike's friend, Jeremy's shoe's shoes and his family.

My parents would have done the same thing for Mike as what Jeremy's parents had done for him, getting a lawyer and trying to help their son because that's what families do.

They protect each other and help each other no matter what has happened.

This may look like they don't care what happened, but that isn't what they are feeling. They are doing what normal families do to help each other.  I refused to believe in my heart that they didn't care. Knowing and facing these truths hurt but I had to accept them if I was to heal and move on.

I told Jeremy "I know that if it had been Mike and not you that night, I would have wanted Mike to be forgiven and I would have wanted Mike to change his life and to come out of jail a better person". I would have wanted Mike to start a new life after all of this. I would have wanted Mike to help others with his story as well, by speaking to others about it.

I believe that Jeremy knew in his heart that I really forgave him and he thanked me for seeing all sides of everyone's story.

Jeremy wrote back right away. He thanked my husband and I for our forgiveness. He told us how he had been laying in jail and praying every night for forgiveness.

He said that he knew that Mike had already forgiven him. He was right in saying that Mike had forgiven him. Mike was just that way. He could not stand for people to be upset with each other. He knew that he too had make mistakes as well. He wanted forgiveness for Jeremy more than anything else.

I took a chance on forgiving Jeremy. I did not really know how he felt inside. I had asked God for help so I had to trust in Him to do what was right.
God had wanted this forgiveness and He made sure that Jeremy did care and was thankful for the forgiveness.

We all must allow ourselves to face certain truths in these matters in our lives. If you choose to ignore the truths about your loss, then you will not be able to heal.  If you want to heal and to help others heal, then you must face these truths, accept them no matter how hurtful they are.

One thing that helped was knowing that Mike would have wanted me to forgive.  Mike never liked people being angry with others no matter what happened.
He loved everyone and wanted happiness for everyone as well.
So to honor Mike and to help me heal, I needed to forgive.

Life is all about happiness and not about being angry or bitter. We can take a bad situation and make it work out for the best through prayers, love and truths.

All my Love, Melissa.